Should men in hard hats be saying Oh La La?

Tuesday 17 March 2015

Lovely and warm - got up to 20 degrees in afternoon

I love my dentist but I am happy when I don't have to see him too often.  Our local village road is being chopped up by three huge machines and there are giant spools of cable lying around at the edges of the muddy fields.  'Youre going to have fun today', I say to the foreman as I waited in line to squeeze past in the narrow space between the engine wheels and the deep ditch.  'Oh la la' he replied.  Do you know, that just doesn't seem quite right coming from the lips of a hairy, middle aged guy wearing overalls and a bright orange hard hat.

The dentist's waiting room is empty.  Last time I was here, there was a lady of 'a certain age' as they say over here, wearing more jewellery than you would have thought (a) possible (b) appropriate for an such an occasion.  I try and look broke in the hope they will charge me less.  (It doesn't work but I do get them not to cash my cheque until the insurance pays out).

I am called and climb onto the reclining chair which then tips back at an angle which makes my head spin.  There is a screen on the ceiling which runs a series of images.  Presumably they are meant to be a distraction or even a comfort.  Some of the pictures are 90 degrees sideways.  One of the images is of an ocean with what looks like a distant shark fin.  There is then a closer view.  It is a shark fin.  I am not comforted.  An assistant hovers nearby and covers me in paper.  I think she is there to stop me running away.  Dentists and their aides must be able to smell fear.  My lovely dentist appears and pumps in enough anaesthetic to numb a rhino to the gum where he will be doing the 'little surgery'.  I ask him if this is absolutely necessary.  I think we both know what he said.

To start with, he hooks out my temporary crown and fits the new one.  It feels very tight and takes a lot of trimming to fit with the lower jaw.  He takes a bit of a lower incisor to get it just right.  He then gets out the scalpel and I close my eyes and the sickly taste of blood fills my mouth and the assistant does a lot of aspiration with a violently sucky tube.  Oh la la said the dentist.  Instead of being able to clean up the area where the abscess was, he has found that the root has split in two so that needs to come out and so does the tooth.  Fortunately the root comes out in three pieces.  The assistant shows it to me.  It is surprisingly long.  He sews up my gum and rasps away at the dead matter and cauterises with a laser.  I have to put up with a missing tooth for six weeks and then have a bridge.  The quote is for over 1500 euros.  I pay a nominal amount right away and go and see the insurance agency who cover me for medical expenses.  The lady promises to send the invoices and quote off immediately.

I pop in and see a lady and get a new sales contract on her house.  She gives me some fizzy water and shows me her quote for dental work.  Even bigger than mine.  She needs two bridges.  We are getting old, she says, laughing.  Speak for yourself Mrs.  I am still in there and pitching.

I ring the agency head and update her on the goings on of yesterday.  She says we must take a back seat and let the lawyers sort it out.  Go and suck down some McDonald's wedge potatoes with mayonnaise and have a coffee.  My nose and part of my eyelid are also partially numb.  Must come over as less of a wuss next time I go and see dentist.  Actually, who am I kidding.  I am mega wuss.

Back home and am just about to take out the dog when the seller of the house in town rings to say that the other buyers have taken the advice of an avocat and will be attending the signing at the agent's office but they themselves won't be either attending or signing.  They also are instructing an avocat.  She sounded surprisingly chipper.  I send my would be buyers an email and hope they won't ring me.  Feel like I have gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson.

Prepare the offer document and buyers and sellers details paperwork and send everything off to everyone.  Make chili rabbit and chorizo casserole and have sleep on sofa.  OH out fishing for afternoon.